It comes around to belief. The hardest part of following God for most of us. To believe that the deep stirrings in our being is the Holy Spirit. To believe that a happy coincidence is God's intervention in our lives. To believe that a child's hug is the touch of God. To believe that you and I are created in the image of a Divine, Omnipresent being. To believe that God is good all the time. To believe the healing of a friend is a miracle of God more than simply science and nature. To believe that God is love when someone we loves suffers too greatly for words. To believe that God is our redeemer in a world that seems not to be redeemed. To believe that the kingdom is coming when it seems more disasater than triumph surrounds us. To believe that Love Wins when the world is dark and cold. To believe...
It is so daring, to believe. It is courageous and bold and terrible to say "I believe that there will be a fulfillment of the word of God" in my life and in the life of the world. It takes the very strength of our bones and flesh to even utter those words if we truly comprehend the meaning.
My belief is shaky at best some days. I believe for a job. I believe for other people when they can't believe. But truly, at times I am not sure where my belief leaves off and where willpower takes over. I certainly don't always feel as though I believe. I often believe because I believed yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. Does that make me less spiritual or less holy? To realize that my doubt and belief are woven together in such a way that I don't know where each one leaves off. And I am not sure that it really matters. Is it really my responsibility to create feelings of belief? No. I bear with my reluctant soul.
And I pay attention to the quiver of the Spirit deep in the womb of my soul and believe with all the audacity of my being-- and say: "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."
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