Revisiting Not Enough

I wrote the following post about a year ago. Here I am, on the other side, and reflecting on how I have grown, and how the voice of Not Enough has continued to be subdued in my spirit. Thanks be to God!

from May 17, 2010. published originally on a different blog.

As I assess this year of the work of worship and relationship, the old nagging voice of Not Enough creeps into my ear.  Not Enough is an old friend of mine–and I say friend because for most of my life Not Enough was very significant to me.  Not Enough fueled my energy for ministry, work, and relationships.  I dashed after the elusive Being Enough with the pounding of Not Enough in my veins. Not Enough was my motivation and my constant companion. In the last few years, however, I have been able to see Not Enough not as my friend and energizer, but as my sabotager.  What’s real is that I am not enough, will never be, and am hopelessly Lacking.  The pursuit of Being Enough is an unrealizable goal and pursuing it will only cripple my steps and weigh me down. God is the only Enough and for some mysterious reason, God has chosen me to be a partner in this work of worship and relationship.  And since my partner is Enough, Not Enough no longer is a friend of mine.

I look back across this academic year and see much good work: hours of preparing and planning, hours more of conversation and prayer.  And I see that is is Good and Enough.  Because God is Good and Enough.

Henri Nouwen is one of my spiritual directors. Nouwen reminds me that this work of pastoring is about creating space for people to listen to God.  This is the best work for me to do: create space.

Nouwen says it like this in The Way of the Heart:

“Our task is to help people concentrate on the real but often hidden event of God’s active presence in their lives.  Hence the question that must guide all organizing activity in a parish is not how to keep people busy, but how to keep them from being so busy that they can no longer hear the voice of God who speaks in silence.”

This is the work that I get to do.  To make space and help people see God’s active presence.  It’s so simple, it’s stuns me at times. I catch my breath, slam the door on Not Enough, and remember that God is Enough.  My part is small and simple, but enduring and eternal.  I am with Enough and I am free.