Lent #16: the true identity

John 6: 43 Rumors and opinions about the true identity of Jesus divided the crowd.  Some wanted to arrest Him, but no one dared touch Him.

In Lent we take note of the things that tempt us to move us away from Christ.  For me, and for many of us, it is to find my own water to drink, instead of turning to the One who gives living water.
The things that I am thirsty for are simple, yet overwhelmingly complex: security, affection, control. Fr. Thomas Keating names these as the ways as our human instincts for survival. We press into significance and success, security and safety, power and control.  By trying to create stability for ourselves in our threatened human condition--especially in seasons of personal wilderness--we plunge into meeting our thirstiness in defining ourselves by these instincts.
When our need for control is threatened, we try and get it back by controlling more.
When our need for affection is threatened, we seek out affection from those who cannot fully meet that need.
When our need for security is threatened, we make plans and strategize how to get it back.

None of these patterns are inherently bad. We do need security, affection, and control.  Having a sense of self, being able to know that we are safe, and to have warm relationships are necessary to our souls.
The difficulty comes in the reality that we will always find these patterns as giving limited relief.  It is the living water of Christ that relieves our thirst and reorients our identity.  Then, through Christ, relationships, the true self, the things that bring us security all can anchor us during the wilderness.

I know that inside of me there are rumors and opinions of the true identity of Jesus.  I often live as though Christ is a good teacher, or a helpful companion, or a saint to imitate.  The reality that Jesus is bread I eat and water that I drink to sustain my spiritual journey on a daily/hourly basis is lost in the complexity of life.

Yesterday I recognized my need for affection and love.  Good things. But out of the threat of needing them, I am driven to try and figure out who I can connect with to satisfy that pattern.  Not necessarily bad.  However, now as I sit with this, I recognize that this need in me is an invitation to a deeper place in Christ and to know the true identity of who Christ is in my life.  The One that satisfies my needs for affection and love in the deepest ways.