On early morning worries & perspective

Like most of us, I am prone to worry:  to dwelling, to rehearsing, to problem-solving, to running whatever is the issue of concern over and over in my mind. And back again.

The hours of three and four in the morning are good for this.  I am stirred from bed with a distressed toddler and then stumble back to bed, only to find sleep far away from me as my mind moves into gear: worry, ponder, roll it over, think it through, come up with a plan, change the plan...what is the solution? what is the way? what will change?

It leaves me edgy and worried in the morning.  If I do come up with a plan--then a false sense of being in control, because the worry-demons will be back with their same list of complaints.

Plans are good.  Problems can be solved.  Solutions can be named. But the tide of worry, intensity, hand-wringing, stressing--this only leaves me with a weak and shakey interior.

Lately, I am practicing taking Jesus up on his offer: Come to me and find rest.  Do not worry.  I am going ahead of you to prepare a place for you.  And the psalmist's understanding of God:  mercy and goodness will chase you all the days of your life.  The Lord is a host--preparing a feast for you, overfilling your cup in the presence of your enemies.

Whatever and whoever you enemies might be, God pours out steadfast love, kindness, mercy, goodness in abundance and unchanging presence in their midst.

What if, when the hand-wringing begins, I consciously unclench my hands and ask God:  What is your solution?  What is your way forward?  How do you want to breathe life in this?
And then...

     here it is:  then, Stop. Rest. Breathe.

The ocean of God's grace and mercy rolls over my worries, anxieties and fears.  Cleansing them with salt, washing some away, scouring worry-rocks into sand, drowning fears, releasing me to realization that God is an ocean of grace. Lapping around the big rocks of worry, surrounding them and washing over them.


Perspective has changed.  I think that's one of the greatest works for prayer: it realigns our perspective.
Some of the worries remain. We are human beings--living finite lives.

God is an infinite ocean of grace and mercy, washing us in fresh perspective and deep love.