On Being Planted

In my student women's group last night, we lingered on the words from Psalm 1: 
[Those that chew and digest the word of God] are like trees
    planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
    and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.

We turned these words over a bit:
what are the streams of water in our lives?
how are we in or out of season?
what is "prospering" for someone on this deep spiritual path?

This morning, I am reading in Tracy Balzer's Permission to Ponder and she engages the same verse in her first chapter:
"...I am to be planted....a tree grows because it has been planted; it grows strong and mature because it remains planted."

"To be planted" means to let our roots grow down deep into the soil of the heart of God.  It is also to put roots into community, into place, into knowing our own identity and soul.

The practices of being planted are many--perhaps in our church lives and in this chapter of the psalsm, we mostly consider meditation and devotional reading (the chewing and digesting of the word of God), but these are far from the only practices of being planted.

To be planted means to:
practice gratitude for what is
share a meal made with love with our family
honor the seasons of the place (geographical) that God has us
be intentional about knowing the land and nature around us in the particular place we are
celebrate the markers of live with our community
tend a garden (of flowers, vegetables or children) in our lives

Today, I am intentionally settling deeper into the soil of my life by writing cards for those in grief,  sitting in my own space by the fire--taking note of this time, place and space that God is at work.  Reading scripture, carrying prayer in my heart, calling a friend from Oregon to remember that place as well and my heart there.

How are you practicing "being planted" today?

A Life of Joy

There are many who say, "O that we might see some good! Let the light of your face shine on us, O Lord!"
You have put gladness in my heart more than when the grain and wine abound.
Psalm 4:  6-7

Joy outside of circumstances--this is to live with joy that comes from the wellspring of the Holy Spirit. It is easy for me to claim this, speak this, write this.  My circumstances are joyful, for the most part.  And while life is never easy, I have plenty and enough.  To know this kind of joy when the "grain and wine" do not abound, this is to know God with depth and authenticity.

Thanks be to God that the Spirit teaches us this way of joy, we do not have to learn it ourselves.

Productivity is not always in season

This caught me this morning:  "The happy ones are like trees, planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in it season, and their leaves do not wither."--Psalm 1

So much is to be said for the flow of seasons in our lives.  We are not productive all of the time.  There are seasons to our productivity and to our work.  There are seasons of rest and waiting and drinking deeply of the streams of water that flow through our lives.

The questions this leads us to ask are:
What are the streams that give you life?
What season are you in?
Is it time to move into a new season of life?

As 2016 moves in, I like to reflect on the purpose of this season and to release myself from the automatic thinking that it's about productivity. Maybe it is...but maybe it is about rest...or about just doing enough, but not too much.

Overdoing is just as soul-harming as underdoing.

Will you move into the new land?

"I know that the Lord has given you the land."--Rahab to the spies from Joshua 2.

In our post-colonial days, the idea that any group of people would go and claim land that someone else has is concerning.  I read the story of the Joshua and the spies who searched out entering Canaan and it is disturbing.  I wonder about this idea of promised land and how God could call a group of people to slaughter another group of people over land.  Did they hear God right?  Is that what God called them to do?  (...that's for another blog post). I do know that God is about creating family and place for the homeless and lonely.  I do know that God created a way for God's people to leave slavery and bondage and move into freedom.  God was and is in the business of giving us "land"--the place to put roots into the soil of relationships.


Today I am leaning into these few words:  I know that the Lord has given you the land.

God does give us new space for us to move into when the old land is no longer ours.
It's easy to remain in the "old country" as Henri Nouwen calls it and not move into the "new country."

Where are you standing at the edge of land that God has given you?
What is the new land of your life that God is creating a way for you to move forward?

Who are the unlikely people (like Rahab) who will help you claim it?
I have found it is the unlikely and sometimes the unholy who give us eyes to see the land that God has for us.

Realigning Reality: What Worship Is

The integrated spiritual life weaves three things together:  worship of God, relationship with God, and partnership in God.   Or in other words, it is the immersing ourselves in God and responding to God for the purposes of the Spirit.

Our worship of God draws us back into alignment--or as Madeleine L'Engle says--into right proportion.  When I turn my eyes away from myself and to God, I am grounded in Reality.  When I take note of my feet on the sidewalk and practice connecting the soles of my feet with the stability of the ground with mindfulness, I am aware of my presence in the world and of the energy of my body connecting with the   stability (but not constancy) of the earth.  When I practice connecting my heart, mind, eyes to God, my awareness grows to the infinite mystery of the Uncreated God.  My spiritual footing is rooted in the steadfast love of God and what is Real--not what is fleeting.  Contrary to the common notion, the mystic response to God in prayer, turning our heart toward God--realigning our internal compass with the Eternal--is the most Real, Necessary and Effective thing that we can do.  Instead of being impractical or head-in-the-clouds, worship reminds us of what is Real, True, and Enduring.  All else will fade and past. All that will remain is the eternity of relationships with God and with each other.  The Christian mystic aligns his or her life and breath to this truth.  Reality grows and swells and I come back into proportion with where my center is.


Worship of God is essentially conversation with God.  It is popular in churches to consider worship the singing portion of the service which is not untrue.  Whenever I turn my heart to God through singing, nature, a deep conversation with friends, an awe filled moment with a child, a passage in a book that sheds light on the spiritual journey, a well-preached sermon, a scripture verse--all of these moments draw me into conversation with God.  It is in this space when I am open to God and receiving from God.  Worship is an internal posture that reflects the posture of Mary of Bethany.  Every time that Mary of Bethany is in scripture she is at the feet of Jesus.  Mary's relationship with Jesus was one of worship. In the posture of worship Mary learned from the Rabbi, she also brought unanswered questions and grief, she poured out perfume and love.  Mary's relationship with Jesus was through worship.  Worship is not a set of feelings or even a set of actions.  Worship is the heart open to God.  

Here is the practice for the day:
As you walk today on pavement, grass, hardwood floors, steps of stone, tile floors, or shag carpet: consider how your feet connect with the ground. Take note of the your heels and toes as they lift and touch and press forward.  Stop for a moment and press your feet into the ground.  Give attention to the reality of the ground beneath and how it stabilizes you.   Then as you walk, consciously open up your spirit to the Spirit of God.  Don't worry about words, images or ideas.  Simply open yourself up to God.  You can say, "Come, Holy Spirit" if you need a word of invitation.  Consciously realign yourself with the Eternal Stability.  Allow the Presence of God to adjust your internal compass and reset you.  Take note of the Presence of God around you, in you. Breath God in and breathe out anxiety.  As you walk, worship.  Be present to God. Receive the love of God.  Realign your spirit to what is Real.

On Patience with Your Soul

Spring is rainy and muddy here in Oregon with shoots of daffodils that are vivid against a gray backdrop.  Our backyard is particularly muddy with sodden mulch,  puddles of  muck, and weeds and plants competing for space in the flower beds.  Whoever lived in our house before must have been quite a gardener.  He or she would be sad to see the state of things now. All of their glorious flower beds either mowed down, dug up, or surrendered to a life of weed diversity.  I like to think that I may be a gardener at another point in life when I am not nurturing children and a university. When there is more space for sitting in the mud and taking care to weed, and tend, and plan a beautiful garden of vegetables and flowers.

Evelyn Underhill reminds us in her essay entitled "Patience" that in the garden of the soul one of the most common and worst mistakes we make is to not take the time of a master gardener.  Instead we make violently plunge in and pluck out all the weeds as fast we can, creating a big pile, feeling good at the end of a morning of how much we accomplished. (Yes, this is my kind of gardening in my yard if any happens at all).

But, Evelyn reminds us, that an expert doesn't work like that.   This style of gardening breaks leaves and knocks shoots. It has only got the tops of the weeds and not the roots.  It's the expert that is careful not to disturb the growth of the plants, gently tending the ground, picking off slugs and snails, and tending the little plants with care.

This is the work of God in the garden of the soul.  A patient gardener, in no hurry for a bloom of flowers, instead caring for the foundation of a soul that will bloom flowers year after year.

Be gentle, Soul, and patient with yourself and the work of God. Be patient to be Where-You-Are-At.  In the mud, and the snails, and the weeds of it--knowing that Life and the Gardener will be at work in your soul with precision and care.

Your work, Soul, is to wait with humility as the work is done.  To welcome the often painful and usually slow work of the Gardener, but also to realize that Gardener is gentle and determined that you, Soul, will be Glorious.  As you take note of what you want pulled up and plucked out, be gentle with yourself and with intentionality and care work slowly and carefully on change.

So for today, facing a rainy Saturday with buckets of laundry, challenging family dynamics, university work, grading to do, errands to run:  I will welcome the events and interactions of this day as God's gardening tools:  slowly and persistently at work in my Soul.  The Gardener has such vision for you, Soul.   I don't know, Soul, if you grow potatoes or roses, but my sense is that work of the Gardener will take us to fruitfulness and vivid color.  

On early morning worries & perspective

Like most of us, I am prone to worry:  to dwelling, to rehearsing, to problem-solving, to running whatever is the issue of concern over and over in my mind. And back again.

The hours of three and four in the morning are good for this.  I am stirred from bed with a distressed toddler and then stumble back to bed, only to find sleep far away from me as my mind moves into gear: worry, ponder, roll it over, think it through, come up with a plan, change the plan...what is the solution? what is the way? what will change?

It leaves me edgy and worried in the morning.  If I do come up with a plan--then a false sense of being in control, because the worry-demons will be back with their same list of complaints.

Plans are good.  Problems can be solved.  Solutions can be named. But the tide of worry, intensity, hand-wringing, stressing--this only leaves me with a weak and shakey interior.

Lately, I am practicing taking Jesus up on his offer: Come to me and find rest.  Do not worry.  I am going ahead of you to prepare a place for you.  And the psalmist's understanding of God:  mercy and goodness will chase you all the days of your life.  The Lord is a host--preparing a feast for you, overfilling your cup in the presence of your enemies.

Whatever and whoever you enemies might be, God pours out steadfast love, kindness, mercy, goodness in abundance and unchanging presence in their midst.

What if, when the hand-wringing begins, I consciously unclench my hands and ask God:  What is your solution?  What is your way forward?  How do you want to breathe life in this?
And then...

     here it is:  then, Stop. Rest. Breathe.

The ocean of God's grace and mercy rolls over my worries, anxieties and fears.  Cleansing them with salt, washing some away, scouring worry-rocks into sand, drowning fears, releasing me to realization that God is an ocean of grace. Lapping around the big rocks of worry, surrounding them and washing over them.


Perspective has changed.  I think that's one of the greatest works for prayer: it realigns our perspective.
Some of the worries remain. We are human beings--living finite lives.

God is an infinite ocean of grace and mercy, washing us in fresh perspective and deep love.

When feeling "less-than" can grow humility

"What gives life to both the tree and its branches is the root, as long as that root is planted in the soil of humility.

Humility is the governess and wet nurse of the love into which the branch of discernment is grafted."
--Catherine of Siena, Dialogue

Humility is the soil of love, discernment and wisdom.  When our lives are rooted in humility, we produce life-giving fruit of wisdom to all around us.


Humility is a confusing concept to me.  It is disregarded in our culture for the most past as passivity or a lack of self-assertiveness.  What is real humility?
And how do we discern between a humble spirit and a "shut-down" spirit?

I had an encounter the other day in which I left feeling like less than the person that I am.  In my effort to listen and to be present to the other person, I refrained from being who I really am in order not to make that person uncomfortable.  I left the conversation feeling very small, like a shell of myself.  I had listened well and gently, but in seeking humility (not wanting to sound like I was "further along the journey" than the other), I was present in that encounter as less-than I am.

Is this humility or passivity?  Discernment or keeping myself too small?

Regards of what happened, it certainly is plowing humility into my heart.  Regardless of how I am present at times,  the reality of being thought as small or less does certainly work the soil of heart for a spirit of humility. If I do not allow bitterness to grow, but instead, accept the reality that it is all God.  And from encounters where I hold back (for whatever reason), am misrepresented or misunderstood, or are seen as small and less-than, all of these can serve great worth in cultivating my soul for humility.

Let go of trying to create a Self

Broke open an old soul-favorite of mine this weekend, A Circle of Quiet.  Madeleine uses the idea of being "in proportion" and "out of proportion" as a way of talking about being centered.  Her words help me find proportion, and her ease with her own being reminds me to be gentle with myself.

I tend to fuss a bit over the idea of selfhood--identity--who am I? Am I expressing myself as who I truly am and want to be?  And then I read this passage in A Circle of Quiet, and was immediately brought into proportion. The journey of selfhood is one to be only reflected on gently and held loosely.  When the self is analyzed and dissected, the self in its essence loses a bit of self-ness.  Our selves appear when we are most fully living and least appear when we are trying to create "Self".

Here is how Madeleine says it:


"If I try self-consciously to become a person, I will never be one.  The most real people, those who are able to forget their selfish selves, who have true compassion, are usually the most distinct individuals.  But that comes second.  Personhood comes first, and our civilization tempts, if not teaches, us to reverse the process....

The people that I know who are most concerned about their individuality, who probe constantly into motives, who are always turned inwards towards their own reactions, usually become less and less individual, less and less spontaneous, more and more afraid of the consequences of giving themselves away.

...I haven't defined a self, nor do I want to.  A self is not something static, tied up in a pretty parcel and handed to [us], finished and complete.  A self is always becoming.

--Madeleine L'Engle in A Circle of Quiet

Trust during spiritual drought

This passage keeps speaking to me from Jer. 17: 7 & 8:

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord,

They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream.

It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,

and it does not cease to bear fruit.


Simple words:  trusting (cultivating a relationship with God), means that when the year is terrible, and dry and in famine, your root system is deep enough to draw water.  It means that we have the hope of not drying up and living in anxiety during life's famines and dark times.

letter to a friend about suffering

[Recently I had a conversation with a friend about some extremely difficult times with her son and family.  This morning I was wrestling with it all and this is what I sent her.  And I thought that perhaps someone else is in the same journey of suffering today and that this might speak to him or her]

Dear friend,

I continue to be struck by your authenticity in the midst of suffering in your spiritual journey.  One of my fav quotes by George MacDonald says:  "...and when the dawn came, she was surprised to see how far she had come in the dark."  You carry around a lot of grief and anger and famine in your heart for your son and for your family--and I hope that when the dawn comes, you will be astonished to see how far you have come.

I do not know why Jesus does not come and rescue and heal and deliver--or why it happens at some times and some people and not others.  I don't think that he chooses hard things for us (there is enough hard things in the world that happen because of this broken world/nature/bodies).  I take comfort that Jesus is like a midwife to us, suffering and laboring with in whatever is being born in our lives and whatever is being transformed.

My sense and heart is that Jesus is with you grieving, and suffering with you and your son.  Willing to take all of the anger and hurt and grief of it, and hold it all in his heart, along with all of the hope and promise of wholeness beyond the scope of this world (or in this world at some point).

You are such a beautiful and courageous person.  I believe that you minister and hold out faith to others out of your wounds, and that is being the body of Christ--Jesus who heals us with wounded nail-torn hands.

I read this verse this morning:

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,

they shall be like a tree planted by water,

sending out its roots by the stream.

It shall not fear when heat comes,

and its leaves shall stay green,

in the year of drought it is not anxious,

and it does not cease to bear fruit.

jer. 17: 7-8

I do believe that your life bears fruit today and this year even as you experience drought.

in grace,

me

Returning home, opening the door again

The words "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it" from Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing echo in my ears after the song concludes--because they speak to my condition as a lifelong Christ follower (and I expect to most of us).  We are a wandering, disconnecting, wrestling, forgetting, changing people.

This has been a hard semester for me--a combination of physical (1st trimester pregnancy!), a little burn-out, a bunch of overschedule, and some significant waves of ministry/work crisis beyond my control.
Stir that in with a dash of the despair of feeling like a "professional" Christian and you can tell it's the end of April. In just a week or so the semester is over and the space to go deep and listen will return, slowly.

Nouwen's words speak to me often and today this is the passage that I came across:





My life drifts away from God.
I have to return.
My heart moves away from my first love.
I have to return. 
I realize the importance of returning over and over gain.

He goes on to say that the prodigal child didn't return because of a renewed love for his father. "No, he returned simply to survive....I am moved that the father didn't require any higher motivation...This is a very encouraging thought. God does not require a pure heart before embracing us."  (from The Only Necessary Thing, pg. 72-73).


For those of us followers who keep wandering and returning, what words of invitation to us--God our Mother, God our Father continues to embrace us in whatever we condition we return.

If we are in survival mode, we are embraced.
If we are in the midst of sin, we are embraced.
If we come out of desperation and not faith, we are embraced.


God's love does not require any expectations about why we are returning.

Lent #21: stop working on your spiritual life

Pharisees:  What are we going to do about this man? He is performing many miracles. If we don't stop this now, every man, woman, and child will believe in Him. You know what will happen next? The Romans will think He's mounting a revolution and will destroy our temple.  It will be the end of our nation.
John 11: 47-48

This is one thing that the Pharisees were right about.
Presence with Jesus grows belief in Jesus.
When you are around Jesus and people who are transformed by Jesus, it conceives belief in you, and that believes fills you and eventually, through much labor, the new self is born (or continues to be born from you/in you).

Our work is presence. Abiding. Space. Listening. I have seen many people step away from the practice of faith because it seemed like a non-ending chore list, instead of simply being present.  God does the work.  We are open and released to what God is about in us.


 I repeat:  You need make no effort to grow.  Concentrate your efforts on abiding in the Vine. The vindedresser who cares for the Vine will care of its branches also. [God] will prune, water, and cultivate the so that they will grow and bring forth much fruit.

--Hannah Whitall Smith

unlearning

My starting point is that we're already there. We cannot attain the presence of God because we're already totally in the presence of God. What's absent is awareness. Little do we realize that God is maintaining us in existence with every breath we take. As we take another it means that God is choosing us now and now and now. We have nothing to attain or even to learn. We do, however, need to unlearn some things.
--Richard Rohr, from Everything Belongs, p. 29

what I want to unlearn: 
peace means everything being settled
conflict is the enemy
feelings determine well-being
completion is possible
perfection is attainable
discontent must be squelched
grace is limited

Lent #6: dance of a lifetime

Reflections on the Breathe lenten reader.

Relationship with Jesus is not about being "in" or "out" of the Christian club.  You can be legally married to someone without living in a covenant of love with that person.  In the same way, I can say I am a follower of Christ, but unless my life reflects a covenant relationship of love with Christ, then my words are just that: words. A legal marriage document does not document a real marriage relationship. Words of belief do not document a real covenant love relationship with Christ. It is the trajectory of the heart and the fruit of love over a lifetime.

Each person on the planet has opportunity to encounter the Light of God in some  way or another. I believe this to be true--although many may not name the Light as Jesus (perhaps never hearing the name of Jesus or not comprehending the reality of Christ), but yet, each the Light is revealed to each one.  This is mysterious and is the work of the Spirit.   The warmth of that Light will either compel someone to move toward it, or he or she will be repelled by it, and move away from it. In the course of lifetime, we dance with Light--at times moving toward, sometimes moving away, but only God can weigh the motivations and direction of our heart.  Relationship with Christ is not determined in a moment of salvation, but in a lifetime of embracing the Light. In the same way, a marriage is not determined at the "I do"s, but in the a lifetime of choosing one another.  This is a great grace to us.  It means that our faith is not determined by our behavior in a particular day or in a particular instance, but by our embrace and dance with the Light over time.  God sees who we are not just in a sliver of time, but in our wild and difficult, beautiful and painful, unfolding relationship with the Light.

The Gospel of John-a light to our path:

^{John 3:19} Why does God allow for judgment and condemnation? Because the Light, sent from God, pierced through the world’s darkness to expose ill motives, hatred, gossip, greed, violence, and the like. Still some people preferred the darkness over the light because their actions were dark. ²⁰ Some of humankind hated the light and so avoided its warm glow. They scampered hurriedly back into the darkness where vices thrive and wickedness flourishes.²¹ Those who abandon deceit and embrace what is true, they will enter into the light where it will be clear that all their deeds come from God.